FBW

If you must know, I gave away the gift certificate for the Brazilian bikini wax, but I couldn’t help myself; I had to do some research. It would appear that this term can refer to removing all one’s pubic hair with the exception of a small line sometimes called a “landing strip.” It can also refer to removal of, well, everything, front to back, also referred to as the Full Brazilian Wax or FBW, or Sphinx. Click here for the relevant article in Wikipedia, including some history. Genital waxing for hygiene and/or religious purposes.

Wikipedia led me to two other riveting facts. 1) There is a term for a preference for hairless genitals: acomoclitism. 2) There is such thing as a pubic wig, known as a “merkin.” Yikers! Apparently, the merkin was used as early as 1617, notably by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia to eliminate lice or to disguise the marks of syphilis. Omigosh. I don’t know if it’s for real, but there’s a British company that sells custom-made, handmade merkins. Curious? By all means, click here.

Naturally, I shared my newfound knowledge with my buddies at Curves. I even took in a book, “The S Factor,” by Sheila Kelley. Pages 120 and 121 give you a plethora of detailed, practical information, including illustrations. The section is called “Pubic Coifing 101.” Besides the “landing strip” I mentioned in my previous blog entry (which she calls “The Brazilian”), other, erm, hairstyles include The Heart, The Tidy Triangle, and the Bermuda Triangle. I think I’ll keep the bit about the merkins to myself, though.

Lucky Z - Part 2

Traffic lights often cramp my style. I’ll be hurtling down the sidewalk and then I’ll have to wait until the red-palm light turns into a green-walking-figure light. Well, on Friday evening I didn’t have to stop or even slow down. “Wow, that’s lucky,” I thought. “I bet I’ll find a penny on the ground, too!” And, sure enough, a short while later a shiny new penny was waiting for me in front of the supermarket.

The next day I attended a women’s conference at the Monterey Institute of International Studies. Lunch was included, and the lunch ticket was also the way to enter for the door-prizes. There were 8 or 9 prizes, and just when I was beginning to think my lucky streak was over, my name was called. I was too busy laughing about the bald guy who’d won an appointment with a hairdresser/hair colorist, so I didn’t hear what I’d won. Surprise! It was a gift certificate for a Brazilian bikini wax. I cross my legs and cringe just thinking about it. Think Sandra Bullock in the movie “Miss Congeniality.” Ouch! Yikes!

Stinky Meanies

Have you tried your hand at creating poetry with those kits that would have you create your masterpiece using words printed on magnets which you then move around on your refrigerator? The title of this entry is sort of a reference to one of my first attempts: Evil people smell difficult.

Hey, that’s not so bad, is it? How about my next attempt: Happy dogs search and find love-humans.

I think it’s time I mention that my kit was for children. Hence this first line: If I were a bug . . .

Let’s just say that after finishing that verse, I decided to a) donate the kit to Goodwill and b) not quit my day job to become a poet. Are you ready?

If I were a bug
and my body real tiny,
I’d find a cute guy
and move in on his hiney.

Instant Garden

I’m a disgrace to the apartment complex in which I live. One neighbor even hinted that my porch was an eyesore. Every porch has potted plants, flowers, furniture, decorations, satellite dishes . . . Mine has a sad, somewhat-white plastic chair accompanied by lots of weeds in the 12-or-so-inch band of dirt around the concrete. Every so often I pull the weeds, which is quite satisfying 'though not very exciting.

The true event occurs once a year, when I grow an instant garden. I pull my tools out of hibernation, retrieving them from their airtight glass jar in the bowels of a kitchen cabinet and I get to work. Neighbors and passers-by stare in surprise. And it doesn’t take long.

These photos are taken at different angles, but you get the general idea, methinks. My tools: sidewalk chalk!

Before:

The first year, I attempted to recreate real flowers, but I had overestimated my skill level . . .

After: